It Began with a Dream

Never in this lifetime did I believe I would find the Japanese mother that gave birth to me 57 years ago. Like so many other Japanese women living in post-war Japan, she had few options. Her father was deceased at the time of my birth, I had no father on record, and I learned that she took me to an orphanage when I was one year old when I hadn't eaten for three days. My adopted parents shared the heart wrenching stories with me of the early days of the adoption. My birth mother was allowed to visit me for brief periods of time. When that option was no longer available to her, she was seen hiding in the bushes at my new home watching me play. My adopted parents decided to move without notifying her in order to help us all move on in life.

This blog is my way of sharing the story of my search for my Japanese mother which has transpired over these last few years. I have located her address in Japan and we have exchanged our first letters with each other. She speaks only Japanese and I speak only English. Before I get into the details, I have to tell you the incredible story of how it all began.

I can truly say that I never really had the deep desire to find my mother. I always assumed from the stories I heard that her decision was one of love and her circumstances gave her no other choices. I have felt a deep connection and bond with her from time to time in my life. There were moments where I saw the image of her in the bushes watching me and my heart ached. It was in those moments of connection and grief that I said a prayer of gratitude for her and I always felt her love.

I could not have searched for my mother while my adopted mother was still living. I don't believe she would have understood my need and she would have been hurt. It was never a serious thought for me. I suspected that the Japanese culture did not look favorably on Asian American children and I didn't want to just show up at this stage in her life - she's now 80 years old.  What if she married and never told anyone about me? What if she had other children who don't know about me? For these reasons my fleeting thoughts about looking for her always quickly vanished.

As we all know, life is mysterious! One day about four years ago, my son told me he had a vivid dream about my Japanese mother. He described his journey on a high speed train to a very populated city that he described as looking very Japanese. He went to a home, found my Japanese mother and they sat together and talked. When I asked what they talked about, he said "She was crying and crying and just wanted to know how you are and that you are well. She was so sad and seeing her made me feel sad." He begged me to look for my mother. My interest still wasn't peaked and I felt he would forget the dream in time, so I did nothing. Then the dream became a recurring dream for him. Each time he would say, "Mom, I had that dream about your mother again. YOU HAVE TO FIND HER!"  On the day of the earthquake and tsunami in Japan on March 11, 2011, my son called me and said "Do you understand now why I keep telling you that you have to find her?" Okay, so it does take a lot to convince me, but on that day I decided that I would take this search very seriously. I found a family history website that mentioned Japan. I emailed them and gave a general idea of what I wanted to do and asked if they could give me advice or help. I received an email from Sister Nunokawa, a Japanese Mormon Missionary offering to help me. She asked me for specific paperwork, filled out all of the requests needed to obtain my family records in Japan, and my adventure and search for my Japanese mother officially began! It really was that easy to get started!